Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
