Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
