if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
