so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
