Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
