Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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