I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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