I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
