I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
