If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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