idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
