New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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