whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
