K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
