i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
