i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
