How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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