So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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