I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
