You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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