Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
