apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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