the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
