He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
