I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
