They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
