i came on her dog
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
