When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
