you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
