I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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