It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
