We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
