I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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