my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
