I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
