Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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