normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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