yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
a search helicopter?!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
