ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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