i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
