I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
