Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
