these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he was CRYING into my vagina
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
