You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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