East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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