Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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