is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
