He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
