the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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