let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
