i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
