So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
