I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
